shit storm

mornings are for psychos. even they know that, only they don't admit to being psychos.
I for example am a different type of psycho, in that I am  self-aware of my own psychotic behavior. as far as I am concerned, this justifies any and all mistakes I might make throughout my lifetime.

   In place of an obnoxious alarm to wake me up this morning, I was instead brought to consciousness by an obnoxious headache and rutheless stomach pains. that's malt liquor for you. these first impressions, I knew, were bound to influence the rest of my day in the same fashion as they brought me into it. It were as though I could see into my future. and all I saw was shit and white snow. yes, today was the day for a blizzard, thought Mother Earth as she feindishly stabbed pins into a voodoo doll of yours truly. today was also meant to be a busy day for me, as far as having a lot of shit to do, and  the only day this week I could borrow Dave's car (Dave lived next door in 12b) because every other day he worked and needed it to get around.

           so I got Dave's keys anyway and plowed through the acres of snow like a shark in minnow waters. snow never had it worse. it was a slaughter.

anyway, after going to the DMV, cashing my collection of old paychecks and getting some more malt liquor to feel like shit tommorow, all that was left was to make a payment on my fine. nevermind what the charges were. I did it. HAPPY?
  I walked inside, fought through the mongrel slimeballs, the drag queens and the snot-nosed, mullet-haired juveniles just to wait in line with even more putrid smelling criminals. I was one of them.

all that waiting and smelling and choking in line, only to find a parking ticket on Dave's car when I got outside. I saw the cop who put it there too, and by the looks of her she belonged inside with the rest of us. I thought about turning around and yelling some obscene words like, "Bitch!" or, "Officer Cunt" but I figured since it was Dave's car I'd lay off.

Finally there was nothing to do. and for some odd reason, which remains unknown to me, I was getting anxious. I was bored. I remembered I had a lot of spare change in my coat pocket and decided to go cash it at the coin machine in the grocery store. by now the banks were closed. there was nothing better to do.

   Almost 35 dollars in change! what to spend it on. what to buy. across the isles was the new beer cooler department with a cafe area where you could drink the beer. my eyes brightened. if I had a tail it would have perked up.

I chose a few beers and reluctantly shut the cooler. The cashier who rung me up said I had to buy food if I was drinking the beer there, that it was THE LAW. I told him I could drink it on the way home and he just stared blankly. not amused.
  after I fumbled around a bit I bought a cookie. one cookie. apparently that smoothed things over with the law. " if only every prison inmate had a cookie," I thought. 

I sat down at a table next to the door so I could feel the breeze, drank my beer and threw the cookie at a seeing eye dog sitting under the table perpendicular to mine. the blind girl stared in my general direction. I felt nothing.

a middle-aged security guard walking to the door stopped to ask me "aren't you a little young to be drinking at a grocery store?"
to which I replied, "aren't you a little dumb for a smart-ass?"
He walked away knowing he was defeated by someone half his age. "there goes any hope of self-confidence today," he must have thought.
I turned to the window to watch the snowstorm.  It looked like shit. but somehow, I knew it was worse to be inside.